Ahh! 40 years! To some it would seem a very long time. But for me, having married to this crown jewel of a partner, forty years seems to have passed with little more than a blink of my eyes. I can still remember vividly standing in front of the County Magistrate nervously uttering the words “I Do”. At that moment, deep down “Something Tell Me I’m Into Something Good” (Herman’s Hermit ’65). Never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined that I have actually lucked myself upon the mother lode of love, care, trust, understanding and support.
Actually, this bull run of good fortune started a little bit more than 40 years ago when she went against her family’s wishes (such courage, almost unheard of in a first generation immigrant family back in the 70’s), left New York and joined this “punk named Leung”, according to my future brother-in-law, in Columbia, Mo. With her support, within a very short time, we were able to prove them wrong.
Over the better part of the next forty years, while I was out trying to conquer the world of civil engineering with a new venture in KHAFRA: “when you flush, think of us” (thanks to Val Bates), she was home holding down the fort and raising two wonderful children and hardly needing me to worry about them. AND THEY BOTH TURNED OUT TO BE QUITE ALRIGHT.
Through all the career and physical location moves to new and unfamiliar places, she never once asked questions like “what about my friends, my neighbors, my bridge club meetings, etc, etc. More than that, her trust, understanding, and support have made it so much easier for me to maintain my sanity during stressful times. And there were plenty. When KHAFRA was young and struggling, several times I had to ask for her consent to put our resources, including our own house, at risk to help KHAFRA get over a few humps. She said yes without giving me a nano-ounce of grief. She didn’t even ask if I was making the right decision. Such trust, such understanding and such support, it don’t get no better than that!!
No less important, during these forty years, she has afforded me the peace and tranquility of a home life that many men can only dream of while they are sleeping. We seldom fought, a fact that Kevin claimed to be not normal. I can count the number of times that we had real serious disagreements with both hands and still have quite a few fingers to spare. On the rare occasion that we do “disagree”, the most amazing thing about her is that by the next morning she has already forgiven and forgotten.
Nobody is perfect. Neither she nor I are perfect. That she is not perfect is a blessing for me, if she were perfect, would anyone believe that I’ll be the one to have deserved these 40 years of such good fortune? I suspect NOT! Separately, we are two very imperfect people, but we are perfectly matched together. Her stubbornness (after all she is an ox by her birth sign) and lack of mechanical inclinations have perfectly complemented my “go with the flow” attitude and lack of culinary skills for the past 40 years. She Is Perfect For Me.
So, on this 40th Anniversary, TO LILLIAN: A Toast to say I LOVE YOU!! A Great Big Hug and Kiss to thank you for the wonderful forty years past, and all I wish for is you telling me “WE’VE ONLY JUST BEGUN” (The Carpenters or, strictly speaking, Paul Williams ’70).
And one final thought, people have often asked me what our secret is: two words: Yes, ma’am.
